I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
