im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
