i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
