I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
