Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
