Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
