Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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