I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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