Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
