They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
