My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
