there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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