yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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