Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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