Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
