He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
