Yo dont text me then not text me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
