love makes seman taste better
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
