you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
