my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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