Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
