It's like a parade of train wrecks.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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