I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i think i just lost a toe
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
