It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
