I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
