I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
