I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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