I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
