were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I just put wine in my tea
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
