another moral hangover. fuck.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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