fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
