i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
