Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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