I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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