She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
