dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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