I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
