I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
