The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
