yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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