I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
