I'm eating all of the evidence.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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