Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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