the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
