using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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