I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
