We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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