the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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