thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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