she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
God, you're like boner-b-gone
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
