I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
