Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
