My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
