YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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