if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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